Tit for Tat

Tit for Tat....This for that....

I'm a tit for tat kind of person. Good or bad (probably more bad than good) but that's me. Take it or leave it. If you can't take it then baby don't dish it. Because I promise I'll serve it up to you bigger & better than you've ever dreamed of before.

Having said that, let me say that this is a facet of my character that I'm trying to change. It's not always fun or healthy to be some big vengeful nut...out to get people that hurt you or wrong you. Does anyone remember "The Rifle Man"...starring Chuck Connors? It was an old black and white western show. This guy went around handling most of his disagreements and wrong doings with his rifle. And every show someone died. I'm not sure that I want to go through life killing people...even if only metaphorically!

I have this need to get back at people. I have a need to feed you your own medicine. I feel justified when doing this, because if it didn't taste good, then why in the hell did you feed it to me? It's not just strangers who cut me off in traffic that I want to get even with, it extends way farther than that. It's a disease, one that can ruin the best of relationships if not gotten under control. But it gives me pleasure to see you squirm when put under the same pressure you put me under. For example, if we're working on a project together and you decide you want to trip and blame me for something that went wrong. Rest assured I'm going to be on my p's & q's and watch you squirm when u make a mistake...and I'll smile on the inside as you outwardly shrink and shrivel.

Ok, I am the devil. We've established that in previous posts. Now I need to do better. But how? That is seemingly always the question. How do you stop the cancer before it eats up the host? I see it and I feel it but I feel it's my job to feed you what you feed me. Why should u get away with it but I have rules. Yes, maybe you didn't know but what kind of comfort is that to me?

I guess that it will take an active decision on my part to be a better person. But my dilemma is this - In some situations vengeance is good but in others it's not. Who gets to decide? Or am I just wrong and vengeance is never good...

At any rate...trying to get myself under control.

Oh, by the way...had a great time at the Fred Hammond recording/concert. Was well worth how drained I am this morning.