Trust, is it all its cracked up to be??

Trust. It's something that's a basic part of any relationship. Without it you might as well hang it up and call it a day. If I don't trust you then I have a hard time dealing with you beyond a superficial level. I have a hard time faking things, I can't fake liking someone for very long or my real feelings start to shine through. That is one of my biggest attributes and at the same time one of my greatest faults. I'm real, but almost to a deficit.

That being said, I'm having a hard time trusting God right now. I know that sounds sacrilegious, but imagine how bad it sounds to actually say it. It's not that I'm crazy or that I think that God isn't real or that He isn't Good. I KNOW all of those things to be true. Without a doubt I know who God is, but fitting the who and the what of his character into the reality of my feelings right now is where I run into a few bumps in the road.

I want to believe that regardless of how I feel now, there is a purpose for the emptiness that I feel inside. I want to know that there is a greater design for the delays in my life. I know that I should be grateful for the things that I do have, because with all of the lack in my life I can still look around and count several blessings. I'm not ignoring the fact that God has smiled on me in several areas of my life. I'm not crazy enough to curse Him and strike out on my own. Nor am I crazy enough to think that a pity party will make him change his mind and move outside of his timing.

I guess what I'm saying or what I'm getting at is how do I get back to a place of blind trust? Not guarded, not half trusting/half doing my own thing? How do I snap myself out of this spiritual funk that I've placed myself in? The answer is simple, but complex at the same time. I know that I need to just get back into the groove of things (spiritually speaking) and run into the arms of my Saviour, but I feel like wallowing a bit longer. That makes me feel like a baby who whines and throws a tantrum because he can't get his way or his favorite toy. Part of me feels justified in feeling that way, but I know that there are worse things and as silly as it might sound, I know that I can't get what I want without going through God. So though he may be the author of my confusion right now, he's also the only route to the place I want to go.

So as Job said in chapter 13 vers 15 - 'Though he slay me, yet will I hope in him.' And though I don't mean slay in the literal sense, whatever comes my way I will stand. I will continue to confess that He is Lord and that He is Good! I will continue to find hope, and strength and refuge in his presence. Even when I have to go with a bitter taste in my mouth or with tears in my eyes or confusion in my heart, I will continue to go! I will always make my way back to the throne of God and I will always know (even if I never obtain that which I seek), I will always know that my God is/was/and will remail able to bring it to pass.