Today is the day...

Today is the day that we find out whether we'll be parents in the next year. We find out if all of this money that we spent and all of this energy that we expended will pay off in the way that we hoped it would. To say that I am anxious would be an understatement. To say that my wife is anxious would be a complete understatement. She was up most of the night. She just couldn't sleep. I woke up around 3 am and she wasn't there and when I called out to her, she was up front reading. I wanted to go be with her, but c'mon it was 3 am and sleep won out. But not for long because @ 5 am I was up with her. We were talking and laughing like it was noon or something. What is wrong with us?

We decided against taking a home pregnancy test because yesterday was her birthday and we didn't want any potentially bad news to dampen her day and since we knew that we would find out today we decided to wait and be surprised. Now my stomach is all in knots and I can hardly sit still, so I came in to work early. I know that until I find out my mind will be racing and I will hardly be able to concentrate on any one thing.

I think that we are both prepared for either answer. If it is negative, I am sure that we will both be hurt a little and may grieve in our own way, but now more than ever I am assured that there is a purpose for all of this. I may not know that purpose in totality, but there has to be a purpose. I often fight feelings and thoughts that make me question things bigger than me. Like what's the point in praying if it doesn't really control anything or make a difference. But then reality sets in and I realize that just because something doesn't turn out the way that I would want, it doesn't mean that God doesn't hear or understand. I am assured that he has my best interest at heart and that this life (as much as it bothers me) isn't about what I want but what he wants.

Though we're prepared for the worst, of course we're hopeful for the best (what fool wouldn't). Thank you for your kind words and your prayers and your encouragement throughout all of this. Very few, and I do mean very few, people knew that we were doing this again. We didn't even tell our parents, and so we had very little outside encouragement and support...so what you gave meant so much to me/us!

Of course I'll update the blog with the good news!!!!!