a whole bunch of stuff....

Have you missed me as much as I miss you?

Ok, let me catch you up on my life. Still pretty busy and on top of all of that it is getting hot outside. I'm not going to complain about how I'd much rather have nice springy, wind blowing weather than blistering hot, making me sweat and stink weather. God knows that I'd rather be cool, but if he decides to make it hot then I'm sure that I can live with that.

We had our first real appointment with the infertility doctor yesterday - actually we didn't see her but one of her nurses that we're pretty friendly with. We probably won't see her again until actual retrieval...which may be sometime in early July. We'd taken quite a long break after the first two ivf's failed and just rested. We worked on us a little and I think we're ready to try again for the whole baby thing.

I actually had forgotten how emotional all of this makes me. To invest time, energy, money and hope into a process that could very well fail for the 3rd (and final) time scares the bee-jee-bee's out of me. How do you enter into this with high expectations? The first time we did it (last summer) I had the highest expectations and then after all summer long waiting and doping the wife up and the pregnancy test still comes back negative, it kind of deflates all of that hope. So when prepping for the second time I was obviously less enthused than the first time but still I held some kind of hope, some kind of promise and to achieve a chemical pregnancy that ends as quickly as it started deflates my enthusiasm even more. Now here we are on the cusp on a third attempt and try as I might I find myself hopeful, even enthusiastic. I'm trying to find a balance between hope and reality, faith and my circumstances. It's not an easy thing to do. It's stressful and it's not always fair.

For the amount of money we're spending I should be ecstatic (and I am...thoughts of fatherhood have always brought me good feelings) but they are tempered with the reality that this could once again end with a sorrowful call from the nurses.

Ok, I'll to keep this updated with the ups and downs of our 3rd attempt at becoming parents. Not everyday will be grand, but I'll try to be as honest as possible. This whole thing just reminds me, continually, that I require medical intervention to do even the most natural of manly tasks. What a blow!!

Psalm 34:18 - The LORD is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those who are crushed in spirit. .......I try to use this scripture to let me know that no matter how I feel, no matter how my emotions are running rampant, no matter how alone, enclosed or different I feel that I'm not alone. The one who made me understands how I feel and will (someday) come to my rescue.

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School is almost out (for a couple of weeks anyway) and I am so tired of World Literature. Who knew that I would wish death to authors that had been dead for centuries?

Going to Dallas several times in the next few months....I think Dallas is one of my favorite places on earth. Maybe not the place, but definitely some of the people.... I'll be going the second weekend in June to kick it with friends. The third week in June I'll be going back for business (I think) and for my birthday in July. Yaaaay. I'm moving to dallas....ok the wife won't let me but yeah I would (I think)!!

Ok, I'm going to do some work now.

Promise to be back soon.